Occultation Pt. II: On Wild Nights, Wolves, and Worrying

An hour after my last post, I received a barrage of messages. They ran the gamut from “good for you” to “please don’t go down this road.” Honestly, I appreciated both kinds and the few that were hybrids of the two. But I was still ready. Dresses locked and loaded, debauchery planned for the spring (that’s likely when I’ll be healed enough from surgery). Then, while riding high from that blog post–which was a somewhat awkward proclamation of brokenness with a vow to be an unabashed fuck-girl tied in for good measure—something happened in the “be careful what you ask for” category. We’ll get to that in a minute, though. It feels like a tale I need to ease into, you know? Some legit, story-style shit.

NOTE: This is a true story. You know it is because no one in their right damn mind would paint themselves this poorly for sheer fun.

*Sigh* Let’s go.

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Occultation: On Being Coldblooded, Calculating, and Free

The downside to gaining self-awareness is that you know what you’re doing. That said, right now I’m aware that I’m setting myself on a certain path. This season, I’ll lean into the moon in me with my hair swept up in a way that shows my face, with its tattooed sideburns and cheekbones from my mother’s side. I’ll blot my lipstick, lengthen my lashes, and shorten my patience. Then, I’ll purposely draw everything toward me that would bend, compromise, or break me so that I can personally grind it all to dust beneath my fucking boots. Why? Because sometimes you can’t shut out the darkness.

Sometimes you have to dance with it instead. Make nice with it, then kill it whichever way you see fit.

Mostly, what murders it good and dead is all the wholesome shit. Therapy. Helping others. Immersing yourself in your craft. Living your purpose.

But right now, I only engage in half of that shit. I’ve put the other half of my ‘nice’ on ice.

Fuck it.

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Black Dwarf Star: Screenplays, Books, and 136 Months

Damn near a year. That’s how long it’s taken me to revisit this blog. I considered deleting it, and even announced a shutdown date a few months back. Obviously, I didn’t shut it down. Really, I think I like it here with you; it’s peaceful here (for now). Also, as for the day I write my last blog here? I prefer to think of it as somewhat of a future formation of a black dwarf star…a far-off event that is likely, but only theoretical at this point.

So let’s dig in.

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Ephemeris: An Earthly body, a Charted Course

My father did what he loved and was loved for it, and that’s certainly a privilege not everyone gets to enjoy. But I still believe I’m capable of it; everyone is. Some of us just have a few extra things to carry along their way.