You’re moving into your own exosphere. It’s that delightful layer of your existence that you’ve been longing to navigate because it’s a culmination of your hard work and a space full of doors that open out into a galaxy full of more blessings and opportunities. Sublime, right? Unfortunately, some of the people who are close to you now may not be equipped to take that trip with you, especially if they carry the type of baggage and energy that would would throw you into a tailspin on your way up. If that’s the case, it may be worth it to cut ties. So let’s assess your situation… using one interpretation of an astronomy term at a time.
Before we go any further, know that I couldn’t find a concise definition of what an ultra light beam is, so I’ve decided to go with the one Kelly Price gave for the simple fact that her voice warms my soul. But I agree with Ye too. I mean, you’re at a point where you made the plan, did the work, tried and failed–rather publicly–and tried again. Amazingly, you tackled each bullet point on your list to becoming a self-actualized, human adult. Congrats. You’ve reached a stage I’ll refer to herein as:
The amount of light emitted by a star.
Kudos. You’re shining. But, as TLC so eloquently put it in their early 90s hip hop anthem, what about your friends? Will they stand their ground?
Truthfully, some will and some won’t. If the friendship is newly formed it’s almost impossible to tell if their loyalty will endure. The good news is you’re savvy enough to spot opportunists headed your way because it’s common knowledge that people are drawn to people who are doing well–especially if its in an area of their lives that they aren’t successful in. This factor makes it tough to walk the line between networking and avoiding social leeches, but it’s a skill that ultimately pays off. And while I wouldn’t advise anyone shut themselves off from meeting new people and being friendly, it’s important to evaluate why they’re there. So let’s call the ability to do that:
A shift in the lines of an object’s spectrum toward the blue end. Blueshift indicates that an object is moving toward the observer. The larger the blueshift, the faster the object is moving.
It’s a simple enough concept, right? If you’re on the uptick and observe someone making a grand attempt toward friendship, that type of bull is not really inconspicuous. But let’s shift back to those closest to you. Monitor the energy around you in good times and in bad. If someone is an emotional vampire, get away from them. I’ve been on both sides of this. There were times in my life when my friends had great news to share and wanted to celebrate the strides they’d made in their careers and personal lives, but I wasn’t in that place. If you go through this and gets bad, distance yourself from them from a bit. I gradually learned to do it in a way that didn’t seem cold, but I knew I needed to protect my friends from my bad energy at all costs.
So I took some time, worked on myself and returned when I was in a better place spiritually. And I’m not ashamed to admit that working on my attitude, level or gratefulness, and spiritual well being is some of the hardest work I’ve ever done. Also, it doesn’t end….but I’ve decided I’m OK with that.
Unfortunately, not everyone is aware that they’re giving off bad vibes. Your best friend, lover, sibling, or someone else close to you could genuinely be making an effort to celebrate your successes, but jealousy and bad energy can seep in like a virus even as they try. Also, those closest to us are in a position to observe and even obsess over us, and it can happen whether they want it to or not. Because feelings sometimes have little to do with logic. Appropriately, we’ll call those shifty vibes everyone is capable of producing:
A secondary effect of the force of gravity and is responsible for the tides. It arises because the gravitational force exerted by one body on another is not constant across it; the nearest side is attracted more strongly than the farthest side. Thus, the tidal force is differential.
I really feel like the tidal force scenario is a great way to describe a friendship. Over time, relationships suffer strain and distance. There’s an ebb and flow of feelings between two beings that creates inconsistency in their pull toward one another. That’s normal. But if one person’s tidal force is stronger than the other–or if one’s a massive, swirling vortex of total hatred and darkness–both celestial bodies would be disrupted or destroyed.
Translation? You can’t pull someone up who isn’t moving at your pace, and you’re not meant to. The friendship would never survive if you did. I learned that the hard way. On top of that, cultivating mutually empowering relationships is not a one way street. It’s easy to simply write someone off as petty or jealous if you haven’t kept your own behavior in check. And while some people would be that way no matter what you do, most aren’t. This means you could potentially ruin your relationship with someone who enriches your life if you don’t do your half of the work.
So what’s the answer?
If you have a friend who’s going through something in their life but makes time for you, make time for them. Don’t be a self-centered, gloating douche-bag who never acknowledges anyone else’s successes and only reaches out to vent about issues in your life. Because then you’re a downer; then it’s you who’s being an emotional vampire. And you don’t want that. You want to stay on that beam, remember?
So text your friends. Go to their events. Like all their posts about their upcoming mix tape. Tell them their newborn baby is cute even if it’s not. Give small gifts. Don’t have sex with their significant others while they’re temporarily broken up. (You’d think the latter goes without saying but I feel it’s worth mentioning.) Keep the balance, damn it. It isn’t rocket science, despite our astronomy lesson today.