We all know a Supernova. She drinks a lot, enjoys a lot of wild nights out, and is typically the one everyone likes to party with. Since she looks outwardly happy, it’s a little hard to gauge if her lifestyle is that of a fun loving extrovert or a broken woman. And while ‘live and let live’ may be the safest mantra to adopt to avoid conflict with your rockstar friend, there are some ways to tell if you need to pull her back from the brink of self-destruction.
The easiest and most obvious way to find out if she’s OK is to ask her. Just make sure you do it privately. Nothing’s tackier than asking someone something personal in their comments section. Also, be ready to accept that she may be too prideful to admit that her life has fallen off track. Either way, if you see a friend overindulging and engaging in risky behavior, don’t dismiss it as just more bad behavior from a self-proclaimed bad gyal.
Even the toughest woman can hit a rough patch and start to down-spiral, so it’s not really cool to let her life turn into one long Future mixtape. Offer her some ways to pull her out of her funk, instead.
During the darkest periods in someone’s life, it can still look like they’re having a lot of fun. This is because not everyone’s pain looks the same. In an age where we judge others by their social media feeds, it’s easy for people who’re suffering from depression or going through a difficult time to keep up a charade for months or even years at a time. In fact, some women with stable lifestyles and healthy relationships may even look at a friend’s constant partying, self-medicating, and overlapping of romantic relationships as their idea of a good time. Only, anyone truly committed to serious aspects of adulting–such as paying rent, being present in their kid’s lives, or simply not becoming addicted to Xanax–knows that a prolonged turn-up session can result in personal ruin.
You don’t want that for yourself, so why would you want that for your friend? Speak up if you really care. Check in. Let them know that there are other ways to channel their energy after a bad breakup, loss of a job–or a really bad haircut. Catch a trap yoga class. Have a bad ’90s movie night. Loan a shoulder. But monitor the party girls in your clique, and monitor yourself. Honestly, I’ve been on both sides of the supernova scenario. The reason I’m able to pay this info forward is that I’ve always had at least one friend willing to let me cry my mascara off and help me delete a few numbers out of my phone forever. We all have times when we need to let our hair down and unleash our inner party girl, but we also have times when all we really need is to be uplifted.