It took me a long time to write this because I moved on a falsehood, ya’ll. So let me break this down.
I stared at her words for a long time, considering them. Flipping them over in my head and examining them as one would a rare coin in their hands. Read More
This birthday is a milestone year for me, and so far it’s been packed with enough revelation, accomplishment, and teachable moments for me to now comfortably say that I am not entirely fearless, but I’m as close to it as I’ve ever been.
I went to New York to see a show and speak on a panel about afrofuturism last week. I hired a photog friend who recently moved up there to capture some shots of me speaking so I could use them for my personal website. After the panel, I rode the train with my photographer friend and playfully told him to delete the ones where I looked particularly fat.
I thought he’d laugh, but instead he said, “You’re serious? I always thought you loved the camera.”
“I do, but only when I control the shot.” Then, more shakily, I told him, “I just have a lot of stuff I don’t like about the way I look on camera, and plus I’ve gained weight. It gives me anxiety. It always has.”
He looked genuinely confused at that point. The train was coming and more people had gathered close to us, so he asked the question loudly. “But…why? I mean, do you ever ask yourself why that is?”
I just looked at him as I thought about all the horrible reasons that I know exactly why that is.
Before I could conjure a self-shaming joke to mask the tension, he said, “I think you should write about it.”
So here we are. Read More
Ultimately, we can’t emotionally terraform another human being. We can’t come at a fiery, gaseous-planet-version of a person and convert them into a lush green oasis at our whim.
Before new stars can fully form, some ancient star has to blow itself to bits and be broken down to space dust. Then those bits and dust just float out there in the darkness looking sparkly and random until they fuse together and birth new stars. But after that, the glow up is inevitable. So fear not. Even if your life feels dismantled and scattered right now, accept it as part of your process. Transitional phases are as necessary as they are scary. You got this.
What I gained from slowing down and becoming more outcome-oriented was a better understanding of one rule: I’ll never get to any desired outcome without braving the middle of it.
I went on a night hike with about forty people I met on the internet and it was pretty much one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.